Won’t he just move onto another girl if I do that????
I hear this many times a week with my clients during their coaching sessions so I thought this must be any issue to a lot of girls, which stems from misinformation.
Once again the world, the media, the guy you work with, your friends all tell you one thing and I tell you something different. But what works, is the information given working for you, are you in a happy marriage or a happy committed relationship on your way to get married to the man of your dreams? Are you dating without the anxiety?
Are the people giving you the advice, and what you see and hear in the media and in the world working for those people.
If this was the truth then the divorce rate would be so low. The more we move away from traditional values and morals the more of a disaster dating becomes.
I had lunch with my 60 year old friend recently and we got onto the subject of dating and relationships, she said to me when she was growing up she couldn’t really remember anyone that she knew being divorced.
So what is it that I suggest for girls to do that makes them so concerned about the guy moving on.
Setting boundaries and standards, in a nutshell!!
Some of those include
* Waiting 24 hours to return the first message from him
* Write no more than 5 words in each message where possible
* Answer only one message a day if it isn’t trying to set up a date
* If he hasn’t asked you on a date within 4 messages, stop responding
* Don’t pay or offer to pay your half on the date
* Don’t sleep with him until you are in a serious committed relationship
* Say no to dates that aren’t at least 3 days in advance
* Saying no more than once to dates that aren’t booked at least 3 days in advance
* Not driving to his area for a date
* Not meeting him half way for a date
* Not going back to his place
* Not letting him pick you up before date 4
* Saying no to dinner for a first date (date zero) saying you only have time for a drink
* Not texting him to thank him for the date after the date
I am sure you could imagine this is so completely incomprehensible to most girls that unfortunately have never been shown or explained how to date.
I hear over and over that things are different today, however they are not.
Why have we had over the past 10 years so many successful marriages, no divorces that we know of and lots of babies.
I remember Ellen and Sheree (The Rules Book Authors) that in the 30 years of dating coaching they have never been proven wrong. Just because it is 2019 doesn’t mean a man has a 2019 model brain, their brains are the same for the past 2000 years. The point of difference is girls not doing what is on the list due to fear and being told the wrong thing. It breaks my heart when I start coaching girls to hear their stories of heartache after heartache that is so unnecessary.
A comparison to understand is dieting, since the 1960’s dieting started to become very fashionable and it is a billion dollar business, take this pill and you’ll be skinny, eat this food and you’ll be skinny, do this exercise and you’ll be skinny. If all that advice worked why are we more obese and overweight than ever, when really we just need to stick to the boundaries of eating when we are hungry and stopping when we are full, just like our grandma’s did and never became overweight, try finding an overweight 90 year old.
Stick to the boundaries of what works, which is really doing nothing, just respond and not initiate, wait to become intimate. If he does disappear and move onto another girl, he would have anyway and taken a chunk of your heart with him.
You are nobody’s Casual Girl, it’s Dream Girl or nothing!!