It doesn’t matter if you are dating, in a serious relationship or married, this information is for you.
Do you find yourself in lots of short term relationships, they might last 3, 6, even 12 months or longer only to find the guy leaves or you do.
If you build the foundations of the relationship properly from the start in the first 3 months, with letting the guy contact you first, not initiating text messages and phone calls, only seeing him once a week and not sleeping with him, the chances of this diminish greatly, however it is after that 3 month mark when we start to have feelings for the guy that things go a bit pear shaped.
‘The Rules’ or guidance I offer is followed so well in the beginning then it gets a little thrown out the window.
Maybe this is you, maybe the relationship didn’t start so well, don’t worry there are many times when it can get back on track.
We tend to go back to our old way of doing things and then the relationship goes backward, the guy pulls back, you pull forward and then it ends.
So I am here to help you Identify what you can be doing differently.
Before I begin don’t feel you have to get every thing perfect and then when you don’t, beat yourself up about it.
We are never going to get it perfect, we are imperfect people who need to seek the help of God to learn from our mistakes and grow from them.
I’m a Relationship Expert and there are times when my brain tells my mouth to be quiet but it doesn’t always listen, even I have to learn from my mistakes.
Here are a few secrets from ‘The Man’s Playbook’;
1. We hate drama, if you have an issue we don’t need to hear about every little issue you have, we are not your girlfriend, we are men
2. You don’t need to be constantly talking, sometimes we just like to be in your presence and admire your beauty
3. Sometimes we vent about an issue we have, we don’t necessarily need you to fix it. We might say ‘you never call me’ we don’t mean you have to start calling us, it is simply an observation
4. You don’t need to justify every comment we make about you, we are just talking out loud. We sometimes forget think before we speak
At the end of the day guys just want to ‘be’ they just want to enjoy their time with you, he doesn’t want every thing he says to be overanalysed or thrown back in his face.
If he says
‘you never text me’
rather than going into a long winded explanation simply say
‘oh, Ill try harder’
If he says
‘I’m not sure if that dress suits you’
don’t get into a huff thinking he should love everything about you and take it as criticism, just let it go it is either the truth or not.
Maybe it doesn’t suit you, no big deal, maybe you think it does suit you, no big deal.
One of the best things I learnt through my studies that I put into practise in my own marriage is that I try not to take things personally or take offence.
My husband and I very, very rarely argue because I don’t ’emotionally vomit’ all over him (I have my girlfriends for that) and I don’t need to justify everything he says, I just let it go.
I’ll give you an example, I’m Vegan and my husband loves meat (funny I know, opposites attract!!) one night I cooked him steak for dinner and as always I ask
‘how is dinner’ (as I don’t taste it as I cook) he said
‘oh it’s ok, a bit tough’
at that point most girls reaction would be to get the frypan and hit him over the head and say
‘you are so ungrateful, I just slaved over the stove to cook a beautiful dinner’,
however I simply said,
‘thank you for letting me know’
his next words were ‘
‘Thanks so much for cooking such a beautiful meal, that butcher shouldn’t have sold you tough meat, I really appreciate everything you do for me’.
This is a classic example of how to avoid an argument. When you stay quiet with a guy that is when he does his best thinking and he will come to his own conclusions if he is in the wrong without any prompting from you.
Bob Grant taught me 4 great sentences to say to a guy when he is talking and I use it all the time especially with my teenage son.
I hear you
I hear what you are saying
I understand what you are saying
Try this next time you are in a conversation with a guy, let him talk and acknowledge you are listening by saying the above with a soft tone when the timing is right, you will be so surprised by the results.
Life is too short to be constantly arguing, getting your point across, justifying yourself and letting the other person know how you feel all the time.
It might feel good in the moment however it doesn’t bring peace to the relationship.
One question to ask yourself,
‘Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy!’
Love Lyn x