Recently I sent out a survey to get an idea of what the biggest struggles are with dating and relationships today, the results have been very inspirational for ideas on what to write about.
One of the survey participants included that her biggest struggle was;
‘To find a relationship that lasts’.
How many times have you found yourself dating a guy for three months, six months or even years only to find either you break up with him or he breaks up with you. This constant pattern can really upset your self esteem and confidence with dating and relationships so let’s get to the bottom of why this may be happening.
Having a relationship is a little like building a house in the sense that you want to make sure you build the right foundations. I live on the beach and when I was building my house I needed to put 36 x 6 metre screws piers into the ground before I started construction, it was really expensive, I couldn’t see them once they were in the ground but it does make my house tsunami proof and will last a lifetime.
When you meet a guy from the very first interaction this is an opportunity to build great foundations.
Here are some steps to go through;
1. Let the guy contact you first otherwise you will never know if he sees you as his Dream Girl or Casual Girl, he might just date you because you make it easy and convenient for him.
2. Let him contact you first with text messages and phone calls for the same reason as above
3. Let him book you in advance just like booking an exclusive restaurant or a top professional specialist, you need to wait for the best, at least 3 days in advance for a first date, or by Wednesday for Saturday for subsequent dates.
4. Once he has contacted you online no more than 4 responses from you before he asks you on a date, if he tries to tell you that he wants to get to know you before he meets you, stop responding he is only wasting your time.
5. No more than 5 words in your responses, if he wants to get to know more about you he can call you or ask you on a date and find out face to face, you don’t want a pen pal you want a husband.
6. Don’t arrange to meet him near his place or drive half way to see him, you don’t want a lazy guy, if he is interested in a serious relationship he will drive to see you.
7. Wait to have sex, wait until you are in a serious committed relationship, you have met his friends and family, he has met yours, he has said he loves you or better still wait until you are married.
Maybe you are already in a relationship, you can start to make changes, even if you have been calling and texting constantly you can change the pattern.
There needs to be a problem to solve for the relationship to move to marriage, men are problem solvers, if they get to see you too much, you make it easy and convenient for them or maybe you live with them they won’t feel an urgency to change the situation. You need to create a difference between dating and marriage. Men see a girlfriend very differently to a wife, don’t act like a wife when you are dating/in a relationship.
It’s like when you rent a house (dating) you can’t paint the walls but the you own the house (marriage) you paint every wall if you wish.
Even though you have been with him for along time you may be in a relationship but you are still dating until you are engaged or married.
Here are some tips to move things forward to marriage;
1. Once again let him do most of the calling and texting, no need to answer every text message, when you are married you can text him, call him and answer every message.
2. Don’t see him too often, twice a week is enough, if he wants to see more of you he can marry you, he can see you every day then.
3. Don’t sleep with him too soon, if you are already sleeping with him that’s fine, just try not to see him too often.
4. Don’t mention the word marriage or children, let him bring those subjects up. Guys love to surprise you and they want things to be their idea, they don’t want to propose if they feel you are expecting him too, it takes the shine off it for the guy.
5. Don’t tell him what to do or nag him. this also goes for when you are married, men hate to be told what to do, you will remind him of his mother and he doesn’t want to marry his mother.
6. Don’t date him for more than a year, if he hasn’t proposed without any prompting from you, start seeing him less or walk away (this is something I would need to help you with)
Maybe you have made some mistakes, maybe are aren’t doing the things from the list, that’s fine, don’t beat yourself up, today is a new day. Pretend you walked outside, hit your head and you have amnesia, start making changes today, you be amazed at the results, guys love to date this way and be in a relationship like this.
The guy you are with will step up or complain and then step away, either way, win/win you are not wasting time with a time waster and making room for the right guy.
Don’t accept second best for yourself, there are great guys out there, you deserve true love, to be adored.
As my Mum always told me, if you are the right girl for the guy ‘wild horses won’t stop them!!’
Love Lyn x