How To Take The Stress Out Of Dating And Relationships

Sometimes we do life way harder than we need to. I know I can look back at my life and I wish I had of known then what I know now.

One of the mistakes we can make is allowing things to steal our joy.

I quite often say to my children ‘you wouldn’t let anyone steal our dog, why would you let someone steal your joy’.

There can be a long list of ‘joy stealers’ and at the top of the list can be guys, dating and relationships.

There are many ways you can prevent your joy from being stolen and that is to always look at the facts and ask yourself ‘what’s the truth?’

An example may be that you are corresponding with a guy online
(this actually happened to a client)
she was only sending no more than 5 word responses, not responding straight away and then he sent back
‘you clearly need a lobotomy, I’d rather find someone with a personality, good luck’ another client received a message that said
‘I’m a Federal Police Officer and I am going to report you for being a Nigerian Scammer’

When things like this happen you have two choices,

1 – Get upset, let him steal your joy or
2 – Have a laugh with it, what a great story to tell your friends, praise God you dodged bullet.

You might be out and a guy makes a really rude comment to you, once again you have a choice to get offended or praise God you found out what he was like before you potentially dated him, simply walk away.

No matter what the circumstance we have a choice of being offended, nobody can make us offended this is a choice me make by training our mind to go to the positive rather than the negative.

This can be true when you are dating, sometimes guys don’t use a ‘filter’ when they speak, there is a big difference between a guy saying something ‘dumb’ rather than rude.

You don’t have to take offence by every little thing he says, ask yourself what is the truth about the comment he made.

He might comment about a dress another girl is wearing saying it looks nice. You can either get offended and think, how dare he think another girl’s dress looks nice he should only like what I wear or you could say, yes it is a nice dress and let it go, the choice is yours, a day of stolen joy or a day of letting it go. The truth is he is probably thinking how nice the dress would look you.

I’m not suggesting that you accept bad behaviour, I’m suggesting you ask yourself the truth about what is said or done and let it go or remove yourself if necessary.

By trying to get your point across by telling the guy how rude he is won’t work in the long run and, it is best to remove yourself and keep your joy in tact.

If you are on a dinner date you can remove yourself by going to the bathroom and staying longer than you need to, if his behaviour continues simply go home.  No amount of telling him how rude he is will change him, ask yourself is this good character?

Be mindful the the comment isn’t intended to be rude, just not well thought through. 

Try to have some fun with dating, you don’t need to be so ‘legalistic’ it’s ok to have a laugh and some fun. If it’s a bad date it’s can always be a funny story to tell.

If it’s a rude comment, simply delete the messages no need to respond, once again you will make him think more about his actions when you ‘don’t fuel the fire’.

By not responding doesn’t make what he said or did acceptable however it is not up to you to try to change him he has to realise his own error of his ways and want to change himself. Maybe he is a guy who’s conscience is seared over and doesn’t even think his is rude and if you challenge him on it he may become even ruder.

Protect one of your most precious assets, your joy!!

Love Lyn x

 

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